Trying to overcome an existential crisis
Harking back to those foundational years
Emerging out of my own wounded shadow
Striving headlong into those ancient fears
Transitionally limping along these days
But my injuries aren’t those to be seen
Nor the stretch marks upon my soul
Yearning for the notion of becoming clean
Throughout it all, forever fond of the Blonde
Woman, hold me close to your breast
Tell me this life is going to be all right
That together, entangled; we’ll always be blessed
Not to keep returning the subject to myself
But there are certain truths I must understand
I’m no one special, a mere footnote
A history to be written, though not as planned
Dreams & hopes that never came to be
A rakish poet nor grizzled old typesetter
Through the years & false daily realities
It is inexplicable the mundane became better
So I find myself with a specific freedom
To be able to move without any sort of cosmic retort
For I have faith in love, fate & ultimate grace
Allowed to live without any innate need to stop short
The warmth of a January day
A bright golden sun to start the year
Taking off clothes when its cold everywhere else
Mercury doesn’t cause a Floridian any fear
***
Time to take stock of what might be
Refreshing breaths while we can clearly see
Thoughts of another calendar year
The hopes & dreams you wish to achieve
Dropping needless burdens – disappear
Regrouping; returning to what you believe
How do we move forward toward our goal
To be resolute & live to be heart-whole
***
Authentically alive with a smile & a pure soul
Time to toss that hate on the Yule log
’tis love I wish to venerate
Another year rapidly diminished
No more sand to disseminate
It is time to let it all burn away
Unburden ourselves of anything hollow
No better than a dollar store chocolate Santa
Time to honor the Savior you claim to follow
Rigormortis of the soul
Dejected along emotional failings
Tempered seas begin to roll
White knuckles; hold fast to the railings
Sorting feelings like a rolodex
Trampled yearning from Jaguar years
Unprepared for survival
Causing the most elaborate of your fears
Processing out foreign memories
But the answers just get in the way
Undisciplined in self-diagnosis
A sturdy smile in the face of the seaspray
The drippings of my mind
The office, a soul in paper mâché
Books & notes of imagination
A collection of stories we played
It’s a subtle knowledge herein
Years of experience slightly compressed
Nicks, faults & scars smoothed over
Though I remain unimpressed
Scratching away at this drivel
Nothing created in which to be content
Scrambling for fresh ideas
At this pace, I’ll never relent
The clouds descend upon us
Stress compounding at this time of year
Getting darker as the days build
Waxing upon the fruition of fear
This world is a bloody hell
A disaster proven before the ink dries
Scorn for a distant foundation
Futility in which all hope slowly dies
The darkness returns
Looking for a story to wryly begin
Miscommunications falter
& I wade through my vermouth & gin
Image by Peggy und Marco Lachmann-Anke from Pixabay
Captain Q 