Stayed up all night trying to write
I still can’t get you out of my head
Sleep didn’t come easy this night
Giving anything to only go to bed
The clock ticks past two & three
Knowing there’s nothing I’m going to find
Off dreaming of nothing, where I want to be
Another scotch to still my racing mind
Image by Florian Pircher from Pixabay
Trying to overcome an existential crisis
Harking back to those foundational years
Emerging out of my own wounded shadow
Striving headlong into those ancient fears
Transitionally limping along these days
But my injuries aren’t those to be seen
Nor the stretch marks upon my soul
Yearning for the notion of becoming clean
Throughout it all, forever fond of the Blonde
Woman, hold me close to your breast
Tell me this life is going to be all right
That together, entangled; we’ll always be blessed
It was a one-eyed kind of morn
With evening’s festivities going awry
I scrawled out all I could remember
Once a gentleman, turned drunken guy
Slight images of a lovely form
Olfactory sparks upon my brain
Sketching the party’s guest list
But no new faces could remain
Racking my skull for a proper memory
Writing down every & each detail
Compiling a list to rediscover
I’m trying to think, but it’s to no avail
A faceless gown with affectionate gloves
Somehow my mind is able to recall
Cognitive fragments begin to linger
Clouded out by last night’s alcohol
Scenes slowly begin to return
I believe we’re out on the dance floor
An embrace of smoldering desire
Yet I couldn’t figure out any more
Scraps of notes spread before me
No identity to place upon the truth
Scant reason to be shy in my search
Basking in honesty of my lapsed youth
Cobwebs have been sparsely lifted
Won’t think of her in the past tense
Her ghostly touch encourages me yet
We shall meet again, I firmly sense
To hold her with determined spirit
Seems fantastical at this sad rate
Yet she’s left fingerprints upon me
Remaining until I succumb to my fate
Dancing socialites & reformed ladies
Choices of the malevolently absurd
Not really what you figured to be
Those weren’t the chances you heard
Life tries to knock us all off
The rugged seem tenacious & alive
Tapping toes with your perfect partner
Where do we step when we want to survive
I’m trying to live the good life
Exposing my heart, no matter how raw
No need to hide how I’m feeling
Coaxing compassion, so the world might thaw
Standing upright in spite of society
A little shook, but I’m still alive
Move past their hatred & negativity
Within the scope of kindness we’ll thrive
Floating through the world
Soaking up life like a sponge
Trying hard to wipe away pain
To rid yourself of this grunge
Each night another debacle
Colorful dusk marking time set
Building your wall before alarm
Shredded by demons not yet met
Feeling all that stress
Expectations that’ve been laid
The pressure raining down
Questioning dues already paid
Close your eyes, count it out
We’re gonna try to start again
A skip in your step – hope to hold
Take on the world with a sly grin
Don’t succumb to the pitfalls
Don’t seek permission to live clean
We all owe the future an honest try
To what might be; not as was once seen
I’m no hero
Just trying to make it through the night
Terrors & dreams haunting me
Still, daylight expects a man of might
I do not deserve you
Just not a worthy guy
Though I’m loyal & I’m true
& full of love you might want to try
Junky little notes
Throwaway lines on the postmodern stage
Cultural fragmentation in empty streets
Truth whittled away on an evaporating page
The disillusionment of an appropriated life
While the world’s on fire; downright ablaze
The American Dream sold off to the lowest bidder
Feeling dissociative in these recent raucous days
Our dishonest & unaccountable government
Are trying to sell you their uninspired vision
Trying to sway your vote by gripping your throat
But their cockamamy pleas will be met with only derision
She’s watching me
Trying to act shy & coy
She wants me to think
I’ll be her very first boy
She’s loving me
Sold on a negative trip
Acting so confident
Notice her exposed slip
She’s needing me
What a beautiful mess
Pick up her dreams
& her fallen dress
A love that’s only known to me
Weigh anchor – Sail with the tide
When I’m off exploring the sea
A lass that’s sassy & steadily free
Couldn’t forget her, Lord knows I tried
A love that’s only known to me
When the winds cry like a Banshee
The ocean will be my endless guide
When I’m off exploring the sea
Venturing off to a land of palm trees
Needing to nurse my wounded pride
A love that’s only known to me
In spite of life, still merely a latchkey
Waiting for when my sails have dried
When I’m off exploring the sea
A pirate – all I ever wanted to be
I’ll forever hold who’s on my side
A love that’s only known to me
When I’m off exploring the sea
I’m trying to live free & clear
While you sit around watching C-Span
Glorifying the criminals on the Hill
I refuse, I say no, I say, “Damn The Man!”
Knowing there’s life out there
Between the barren branches
Tying your coat a little tighter
To fend off the avalanches
Winter will try to kill you
You must fight to see the Spring
Warm each other under sheets
Flip over & let me do my thing
I think you have the wrong notion of me
I could be wrong, but it’s what I believe
I’m neither the saint nor the villain
In which your notions are trying to achieve
I’m not nearly as arrogant as I portray
That’s merely the manifestation of a fictional role
I know confidence is sexy & I’m trying my best
But I have doubts regarding the quality of the contents of my soul
Headed downtown for the literary type
Searching for the scribes of our weary day
To heal my heart with words that matter
I’ve tried, but I don’t see any other way
Falling stars may not mean much to you
But I’m here without any expectation or hope
Where do we find our reasons for love
Even we can kill our dreams, given enough rope
The voices come calling
Like shattered visitors in the night
Darkness expunged within thought
Auditioning words; trying to get it right
Vapid orations coming from the podium
Stacks of the wrong books & loose leaf notes
The dumbing down makes a tedious existence
But ideas are the traditional spark of an antidote
I don’t know what the hell I’m doing
I’m just trying to feel my way through
This existence offers many pitfalls
Working within our struggles, those Blues
There’s only one way to survive here
You’ve got to continue to fight your urges
Finding the right path to paradise
Piecing together words to sing the dirty dirges
“Even his fucking was binary, a sorting process by which certain practices could be tried and found wanting or approved and accorded benchmark status.”
Flipping through magazines
Trying to find my darling girl
She’s been gone awhile now
She left to see the world
She’ll be coming home soon
& we can end this silly game
My God, I love her so
But she doesn’t know my name
Captain Q 