I’m not a joiner
I’m deliberately choosing not to join your group
Breaking free of these inconsistencies
Past sins & missteps on an endless loop
I inherently distrust any gathering of people
Seeing we’re doomed to live out the follies of youth
We lost our way & never came back
Now spurned forward by the allure of truth
Transactionally stealing poetry from her diary
Thinking pretty thoughts, my lady crooner
Shedding our shared idealized past
Ravishingly disheveled from another nooner
These things are seldom spoken aloud
Angels sing out; no longer so distant
Breached actions distorting our thoughts
Heartbroken; leaving you feeling resistant
I’m out here worshipping my secular goddess
Looking for quiet now & avoiding unsolicited advice
Passion not always akin to pleasure
Focused to ensure my kisses are nice & precise
Love & heartbreak do little to assuage the guilt
Where we were sullen & hoping to save our souls
Marooned far past the realms of sanity
Peeling the plastered propaganda on Bikini Atoll
Surrounding myself with ancient friends Wisdom & experiences laid upon my shelf Bare for all to quietly consume Providing a chance for a better version of self
Absorbing past lives without pause Silhouettes of women from long ago Angst from existential rights in time Visions of dreams I wish to forgo
These books are mere placeholders For the contents of my heart upon hardwood Gentle reminders of our former intellect & the hope we might return to being good
Picking out tunes from a lost childhood
Icons from an isolated life; memories fleeting
Can’t keep track of my overblown tragedies
My own imagination responsible for these beatings
My past is a weight, tugging at my fragile soul
Written missives, but she flew off to Ontario
Shunning my offerings for a comprehensive life
I speak of love, but she merely turns up the stereo
Knowing the bottom of the depths Untold theories where passion lies Encased all in a delicate French lace The truth that logic & gravity defies
Earthbound creatures can’t be understood It’s simply not in our fallible DNA Attempted in conversational tones But we’ve lost connection anyway
Trying to find a way back to the meaning Reason doesn’t apply to moments like this Disregard the pressures of our past That we might create our own sustainable bliss
Sitting at the windowsill Fingers stained by my ink Face red & tranquilly humbled Cold & tumbled; too frozen to think
The nights are dropping temps I’ll need to do everything to keep warm Though I’m unwrapping each layer Eagerly embracing your gracious form
Life is a fine chance to love you Trading kisses as I adjust your weary crown Telling stories of our younger days & the magic that happened in a little Arizona town
Oh, where does our journey end Or begin, as it so often might seem Futile attempts to erase the past The unknown details of our dreams
The open road panders to a false escape The mere opportunity to rewrite a sojourn Jesus perambulating with Uncle Walt Debating the path; perchance to learn
Shaky prospects in apportioned time Manifest destiny teases Ginsburg & Kerouac Further roads leading to ornate wisdom & we keep it concealed out in the back
Thoreau mocking society with his solitude Knowing alone is the greatest we could ever be Thoughts come to us in gentle waves That perhaps our visions should become the sea
A reinterpretation of westward expansion Route 66 cross-contaminating Highway 61 All roads have never led us home Emily tempting Death with her life left undone
The growing wisdom of our consumed space Emerson’s penning pre-revolutionary blues Introducing our souls to unrefined grace The Good Lord providing Her unfiltered muse
Feeble humanity; lost across the tracks Original sin that we’ve taken on the chin Sifting thought; we might be welcomed again But knock off the Devil’s dust before you come in
Lounging early in the morning She wore an animal print I couldn’t recall I poured another cup to erase the cobwebs A chilly morning; slipping past Fall
She was sleek & beautiful, a deadly shade Overly dramatic in the best possible sense Passion in abundance for my sole benefit Edging to a climax at our soul’s expense
Smelling coffee long before
These tired eyes were ever meant to open
Dreading wakin’ and meetin’ people
No time like now, so here’s to hopin’
The day started & it’s past time to rise
One foot out & eventually the other leg
I’m going to need more of this magic juice
I feel society comin’ at me like the damn plague
Now that I’m old, there’s no chance to be cool
I’m that creepy lurker passing the delicates isle
Finding myself lost in nebulous thought
Youth dropping their eyes while I try to smile
You can’t be friendly when you’re a certain age
Somewhere along the line, I missed my cue
Oblivious to the graffiti on the decaying walls
I’m slowly dying, more with each day that’s through
Stuck before I can be the wisened old fellow
Conversations with alter egos as I deliberate
Taunting life with my aggressive apathy
Father Time impatiently waiting for my cryptic fate
A litmus test for fragile character upon my days
Emerging from adulthood with wisdom in my head
Never again a victim to society’s whims
Pushing past expectations; my own hero instead
Rising higher than their own trite requirements
Still not accepted & still the silly old fool
Sketchy, weird & perpetually the outcast
Damn, there went my last chance to finally be cool
Our dreams hold us hostage Chained to our high ideals Lost to our intemperate youth The past reaches out & steals Time lost to us; never again What’s forgotten can’t be regained Our lives are our creation Figments we’ll never fully explain
Stayed up all night trying to write
I still can’t get you out of my head
Sleep didn’t come easy this night
Giving anything to only go to bed
The clock ticks past two & three
Knowing there’s nothing I’m going to find
Off dreaming of nothing, where I want to be
Another scotch to still my racing mind
Green mermaid lady I’m still in love with you Always been good to me My affections are overdue Dimly lit stages for hire Writing out these feelings Jittered & confused tonight Staggered & now kneeling Inspiration to keep on going Confidence in my finer words Blocked out memories past Forgetting what was heard Know where you want to be So I’ve come back to you Capitalism be damned! Pour me something new
Cavernous depression falling down without truth
Wet streets refracting the bitter twilight of the moon
Trenches & overcoats pulled tight to repel the world
A need for answers that cannot wait past this noon
Try to place everything perfectly into its correct box
Finding out the little control we have while we’re here
Knowing the results we wish to see once the sun rises
No need to stay dry when you’re drowning in this fear