I’m trying to listen to your body
Trying to feel my way to your heart
I’m looking to recover my innocence
That which I lost from the start
I’m decidedly envious of your hands
For they always remain with you
Forever within reach of your flesh
When I must bow & bid thee adieu
I’m continuously jealous of your locket
& the home it has been given to rest
The natural glories akin to Heaven
God alone could bestow such a treasured chest
Taking time to reside in detail
Coaxing ghosts off the Sunshine Coast
A temper & a crooked smile
The truth when we needed it most
Knowing differences of our secrets
Diligent with passing the changes
I’m fluid in these manipulations
But for her I am, keeping me strange
Reading cracked-spine paperbacks
Wandering by; gently grabbing her waist
Creating space & sending archaic signals
Standing proud, knowing silence accustomed to taste
Dancing in a moody cabaret
Your hand in mine
Wondering your thoughts
Your soul I can’t define
Clutching your hip
Feeling your energy now
Falling without remorse
Unrestrained; anything you’ll allow
A careful morning
Coffee, my steady muse
Hiding in crisp pajamas
Inspiration has a short fuse
Stretching yoga to Hello Nasty
Bending this body in awkward positions
Head bobs & an elderly b-boy stance
Personal history leads me to contrition
Doc says my ticker isn’t what it once was
My mind is young, but I’m not at my peak
Slowly degrading upon each sunrise
Not quite old, yet bordering on antique
“I’m tired, people. I’m tired of everything. I’m tired of hate. I’m tired of politics.
I’m tired of living behind an eyepatch because I need to protect my family.
I’m tired of aggressive misappropriations. I’m tired of zealots. I’m tired of ignorance leading the day. I’m tired of stupid people having really stupid opinions.
This world is going to hell & I don’t want to go for that ride.
We’ve backed ourselves into a corner & now we can only choose evil. It’s heartbreaking & stressful.
Those who know me know that I haven’t been myself lately.
This is a dark period for our society. We will not look back on this time fondly. There is a lot of pain out there.
If you do not condemn the hate, then you are accepting it. Love is not enough. It is not us & them. This is agendas. This is the media choosing what they want to tell the public to support their own ideals.
Take a moment to decide how you want to live your life.
I choose to not be part of any group. I do not represent anyone outside of myself. I am me. Judge me for my own actions.
I will do my best to honor you in the same fashion.”
I wrote this in the fall of 2016. We have changed nothing since then. We still are choosing political parties and special interest groups over our children and neighbors. What will it take for us to learn?
These are the only days we can still see
Taking strides forward whether or not it rains
Dry rotted ponchos & other survival gear
Though its through our capacity to forgive that we’ll remain
Love & heartbreak do little to assuage the guilt
Where we were sullen & hoping to save our souls
Marooned far past the realms of sanity
Peeling the plastered propaganda on Bikini Atoll
Those were among the days we lost them
When we were doomed to the bomb shelter
Cast aside by the rising tide of modernity
Drowning in memories of the last time I felt her
Just wanting these eyes to close & slowly linger
Fatigue from society & the domesticated sheep
Intentionally & lightly dipping her ginger fingers
Focused breaths when you only wish to sleep
True to life, but hard to digest the pain
Adversity compounded living without rest
Altered dreams when slumbers can’t remain
Been ages since she authentically felt her best
Time to float off into another world
Close your eyes & drift forever away
Within silent storms of a castaway girl
Reimagining visions before finding the day
Running headlong into the woods
With your meaningless tropes
Escaping any notion of your gaze
Slipping confinement & your stubborn hope
Never wished to be dubbed “wild”
At least not in your repetitive sense
Feeling numb to your expectations
Not remaining to hear your bland defense
Each step leads me further on my trek
Compounding the rules I unwittingly defied
Down the trail & away from your excuses
I didn’t listen, but I’m sure it’s all justified
Timid changes to the way we survive
Ducking our heads when the water finally rises
Perpetual fatigue ponders if we’re still alive
Each heartbeat wrapped within fervent surprises
Another day emerges from the absence of light
This mug of swill – my only source of heat
Creaking past the endless repetition of night
Punch drunk, but still standing; never admitting defeat
The impossibilities of transcribing the heart
Finding the usual tricks do less than impress
Flustered; tripping over language
Like when you see Summer’s first sundress
Yet we still have to exist in nature
Bodies moving slowly as the sun rises
Love’s hibernation deliberately stretched
The disguises that passion often emphasizes
Cautiously keeping patience in this heat
As the mercury continuously expands
Rushing to the shore to discover relief
Risking the mirage & being burnt by the sand
On the shores of Ol’ Patagonia
While the citizens did sleep
Youthful fear of affection
Yet into the woods, they silently creep
Don’t let on how you feel
For you might get what you want
The pain of admitting you care
& perchance it might forever haunt
The burden of carrying embarrassment
& possibly feeling regret this long
Thy youth’s clear true love
But hindsight tells me I was wrong
For I wasn’t brave enough to trust
Too busy being incorrect by name
Fear welling into my soul
But I loved her all the same
It’s not fair to bring up old times
Immaturity & self-reject are not a virtue
I don’t deserve her thoughts nor sentiments
In the end, never good enough for you
Still thinking of what might’ve been
Or an excuse to freshly misbehave
Angst & teenaged awkwardness
Take a shot & take it all to my grave
“Those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained.”
William Blake
“…This is an extra luxury.”
“Yes, art is always an excess,”
I replied, kissing her knees.
“But excess only saves us from poverty.”
– Vasyl Stus – Ukrainian poet
The gentle fog of last night’s revelry
Walking the streets before the sun
Overcorrecting the crooked events
Getting myself right before the day’s begun
Dreamscapes fading in these early hours
Scars to tell tales of an alternate narrative
Truth impedes the recital of our union
Clinging to our bodies not always so imperative
Setting the scene amidst several libations
Resulting in sloppy notes from the underground
These aren’t mundane epitaphs from stone
Rather just trinkets for creation to remain unbound
How do we leave the living?
Thoughts on life & what’s left undone
Trampled petals & forgotten scars
Knowing the sun cannot be outrun
How will we be remembered?
Comforted; knowing Jesus saves
Settle into being a compassionate soul
For we all end up wallowing in the grave
Brushing the record as it goes ‘round
Morning comes faster when you can’t sleep
Sipping the tepid coffee down to the grounds
Delirious; mind wandering depths so deep
Trying to move your body; needing a gentle stretch
What more to be done when you can’t think
Misinterpreting grumpiness for ravings of a wretch
Settle down; give me a moment for another drink
Wish goodbye to frumpy politicians
& their senile glances
Robber baron approach to public service
After we gave them too many chances
I don’t care for your foreign correspondents
Time to stay home & let the meek be the victors
War machines don’t benefit those who march
Deceit & impropriety measured upon the Richter’s
I don’t understand disdain for fellow humans
I don’t care if you worship in a synagogue or under a steeple
In the end, we’re all God’s children
Here on Earth, we must remember it’s We The People
I know exactly what I want
She tells me I’m a lurid temptation
But she eagerly kisses me back
We’re creating a whole new sensation
The only lover my forever will ever know
Doesn’t matter if you can’t understand
Together, we’re damn near perfect
& she sure feels good in my hands
Inhaling ocean breezes
Ventilated with salt-laden air
Up & out as nighttime flees
Enticing as anything out there
No longer interested
Tell them mermaids I’m through
Adventure doesn’t beckon
My sea legs won’t follow you
I’m too old for folly
Here, I must bid you so long
Fair winds & all that
Can’t remain within earshot of the siren’s song
Jesus was a rouge agent
Calling out institutions woefully unjust
Up-ending currents & the status quo
Powers that be & reigning corporate trusts
Holding fast in the face of arbitrary traditions
We won’t look to long at your offbeat proclivities
Unnerved authenticity & outspoken truth
But they’ll chalk it up as additional incivility
Looking again to God, but knowing She won’t talk
Red-lettered honesty; realism against expectation
Unvarnished tales of the meekest souls
Rapt against our most quietly brave ministrations
Men are the root of most of our evils
Blatantly sucking out the formidable joys
Loud & egotistically neutering themselves
They can’t help but systematically destroy
Yet, we’re told of the biblical herrings
But we must reject any & all hate
In the face of most adversities
We still have women who manage to create
I don’t know what you’re looking for
I’m no expert, nor do I wish to try
I’m feeling like I’m drowning here
& you want to sift through my lies
My soul starts to bubble & melt
Increasing as apprehension rises
Remembering how you felt
& instantly over-sensationalizes
We’ve built our mysteries & fantasies
Every time we close our eyes
I’m not rich nor the most handsome
No reason to dispel all those lies
But you’re everything to me
Excited whenever I tug on your hem
I wish I’m the one you hope to see
Each & every time you open them
Can we puncture our transcendent eyes
Feeling fantasies no one can understand
Trapped behind responsibility & expectation
Failing to grasp foundations as we planned
The difference in our souls transmit
Expounded by the beatings of our hearts
Revolutions begin when the cerebral are tired
But their might will never sever our parts
You cannot be weak if you’re truly weird
There’s no time for the molecules to rearrange
These burdens of an unimaginative society
Simply cannot fathom the depth of how you’re strange
Captain Q 